SO HOW DID WE GET TO HERE ?

LIKE

THESE

WISH I’D WRITTEN THESE

CONTACT

school photos

WRITTEN

THESE

BUT

SERIOUSLY -

ARTICLES

etc.

           All original writing

                    

AND THESE

2014, 2015, 2016,

2017, 2018, 2019,

2020, 2021

Dr Ian McLauchlin

miscellany

30 october 2021

ASSORTED LIMERICKS


Two ugly sisters from Fordham

Went walking one day out of boredom.

On the way back,

A sex maniac

Jumped out of a bush and ignored ‘em.    - John Cooper Clark


There was a young man from Japan

Who wrote verse that no-one could scan

When told it was so

He said “Yes I know,

But I like to get as many words into the last line as I possible can.”


There once was a lady of Wantage

Of whom the Lord mayor took advantage

Said the Borough Surveyor

“Of course you must pay her

You’ve altered the shape of her frontage.”


There was a young man of Saint Bees

Who thought he'd been stung by a wasp.

When asked if it hurt

He said "Yes, it does,

But I'm glad that it wasn't a hornet".


There was an old person of Tring

Who, when somebody asked her to sing

Replied “Ain’t it odd?

I can never tell God

Save the Weasel from Pop Goes the King.”


There was an old man of Darjeeling

Who travelled from London to Ealing

It said on the door

“Don’t spit on the floor”

So he carefully spat on the ceiling.


There was a young fellow from Clyde

Who fell down a sewer and died

The next day his brother

Fell into another

And now they’re interred side by side.


A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee

Wished to wed a young woman named Phoebe.

“But,” he said, “I must see

What the clerical fee

Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee.”


An elephant slept in his bunk,

And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.

But he snored — how he snored!

All the other beasts roared,

So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.


A funny young fellow named Perkins

Was terribly fond of small gherkins.

One day after tea

He ate ninety three

And pickled his internal workings.


Not wanting to end up in hell,

and remembering a phrase from Aunt Nell -

“An apple a day

Keeps the Doctor away".

But you have to throw hard and aim well.                                  

  

Oops. I DID write this.