10 december 2020
All original writing
2014, 2015, 2016,
2017, 2018, 2019,
2020, 2021, 2022,
2023, 2024
Dr Ian McLauchlin
30 october 2021
ASSORTED LIMERICKS
Two ugly sisters from Fordham
Went walking one day out of boredom.
On the way back,
A sex maniac
Jumped out of a bush and ignored ‘em. -
There was a young man from Japan
Who wrote verse that no-
When told it was so
He said “Yes I know,
But I like to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can.”
There once was a lady of Wantage
Of whom the Lord mayor took advantage
Said the Borough Surveyor
“Of course you must pay her
You’ve altered the shape of her frontage.”
There was a young man of Saint Bees
Who thought he'd been stung by a wasp.
When asked if it hurt
He said "Yes, it does,
But I'm glad that it wasn't a hornet".
There was an old person of Tring
Who, when somebody asked her to sing
Replied “Ain’t it odd?
I can never tell God
Save the Weasel from Pop Goes the King.”
There was an old man of Darjeeling
Who travelled from London to Ealing
It said on the door
“Don’t spit on the floor”
So he carefully spat on the ceiling.
There was a young fellow from Clyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
The next day his brother
Fell into another
And now they’re interred side by side.
A certain young fellow named Bee-
Wished to wed a young woman named Phoebe.
“But,” he said, “I must see
What the clerical fee
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-
An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored — how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.
A funny young fellow named Perkins
Was terribly fond of small gherkins.
One day after tea
He ate ninety three
And pickled his internal workings.
Now here’s an idea that might sell,
And words that will sure ring a bell -
“An apple a day
Keeps the Doctor away".
But you have to throw hard and aim well.
|
|
|
Oops. I DID write this. |