miscellany

26 june 2018


SO HOW DID WE GET TO HERE ?

LIKE

THESE

WISH I’D WRITTEN THESE

CONTACT

school photos

WRITTEN

THESE

BUT

SERIOUSLY -

ARTICLES

etc.

           All original writing

           2014, 2015, 2016, 2017,            2018        Ian McLauchlin

AND THESE

THE BLOODY ORKNEYS

by Captain Hamish Blair


This bloody town's a bloody cuss

No bloody trains, no bloody bus,

And no one cares for bloody us

In bloody Orkney.


The bloody roads are bloody bad,

The bloody folks are bloody mad,

They'd make the brightest bloody sad,

In bloody Orkney.


All bloody clouds, and bloody rains,

No bloody kerbs, no bloody drains,

The Council's got no bloody brains,

In bloody Orkney.


Everything's so bloody dear,

A bloody bob, for bloody beer,

And is it good? - no bloody fear,

In bloody Orkney.


The bloody 'flicks' are bloody old,

The bloody seats are bloody cold,

You can't get in for bloody gold

In bloody Orkney.


The bloody dances make you smile,

The bloody band is bloody vile,

It only cramps your bloody style,

In bloody Orkney.


No bloody sport, no bloody games,

No bloody fun, the bloody dames

Won't even give their bloody names

In bloody Orkney.


Best bloody place is bloody bed,

With bloody ice on bloody head,

You might as well be bloody dead,

In bloody Orkney.